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| what is love? |
| 08.27.06 (1:18 pm) [edit] |
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what is love?? i can't even tell you you how many people have tried to explain their personal views on the matter, & honestly I haven't found one person who I could completly agree on the matter with. Almost everyone has added something to my defintion but none of them seemed to have the complete answer. maybe it's because we're all too young or have never experianced it ourselves. I have my own opinion of what it is, i'm not saying that i'm right but just that i've thought about it for a very long time and this is what i've come up with...
What i hear the most is that it's all about self-sacrificing, and yes i do think that is part of it, but not even close to all of it. i believe that its also...
-When he doesn't even have touch you for you to get good shivers; he gives you that look and you are all ready filled with them.
-When you waited forever for that first kiss, slowly losing faith and growing impatient. but the night he finally leans in and kisses you, you realize that it was completly worth the wait.
-not being able to keep your eyes open when he touches you, because for some reason you believe that the sooner you open them, the sooner it will end.
-when you aren't with him but smell something similar to him and melt all over again.
-not only being concerned for him but also for the people close to hime; like letting his mom vent to you on the phone and you both feeling better afterwards.
-getting up in the middle of the night to try on your wedding dress in front of a mirror...every night before your wedding
-It's not only that he makes you so truly happy that you count the minutes until you get to see him again but that you would give anything for him to feel the same way.
-That you would give up everything just to see him truly happy even for the briefest moment.
-love is when you can let them go...no matter how much it hurts...you still can because there is that chance there is someone who can make them happier and you don't want them to miss out on that...
-But most of all it's that you don't have to because the fact that you are there for him makes him happier than he could ever be, and that's good enough for the both of you.
To me, love is what i've dreamed of since i could remember. i would twirl around in my pink dresses and wish for someone to tell me i was pretty and mean it. i would play with my barbie's and act out exactly i wanted my dating life, proposal, wedding, and marriage to be like. maybe i'm completly wrong and this isn't love but I'm going to believe that it is until someone proves me wrong.
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| The perfect kiss |
| 12.29.05 (3:08 pm) [edit] |
Kate told me to do things for the moment. Sometimes without thinking of the actions. what i want to do without thinking is go on a date. I'm not planning on doing anything bad with the guy but i still want to go on a date with sea bass. I'm being encourage to just go for it from every corner exept one. Kate's. The thing is her's is the most important to me. I just really miss being held and feeling close to a guy. I was thinking about it and the last time I was kissed was in like august! and it was perfect. we were outside by the car and i was so tired to i was leaning on him while he tickled my back. then he leaned down and gave me an eskimo kiss (sooooo cute) then he kissed my forehead, and then my lips. It was the most romantic moment of my life. I don't know why it was so great but it was perfect, the perfect kiss. I think a big thing was we had gone on three dates by then and all he had done really was hold my hand. I loved that he didn't try more. That night he let me just lay on him and feel safe it was amazing. Oh yeah cutest part! earlier we were looking at the stars and saw a shooting one and i told him to make a wish the next morning we found out that we had both wished that we would get a kiss that night....amazingly perfect if i don't say so myself!
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| I long for so many things i will never have |
| 12.29.05 (2:00 pm) [edit] |
I long for a single rose
I long for a hug that doesn't end
I long for a hand that fits
I long for him to just hold me
I long for a perfect kiss
I long for him to make an excuse not to let go
I long for everything to truly be okay
I long him to tell me everything is going to be okay
I long for him to trust me
I long to feel loved
I long to feel needed
I long to have good shivers
I long to not be scared
I long to trust
I long to truly smile
I long to see is his name on the caller id
I long to not have the need to flirt with anyone but him
I long to feel secure
I long to come home and find him waiting
I long to hear his voice
I long to know I'm safe
I long to have my first valentine
I long to have a new year's kiss
I long to be free, no strings attached, just free
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| I hate this, I hate feeling so trapped and confused |
| 12.26.05 (3:18 pm) [edit] |
AHH! I'm soo overwhelmed right now! My two best friends are calling me ranting about things I already know about, well, it's mostly one of them. I'm totally not complaining, I want to help them but the thing is, I can't, the stuff they're going through, is nothing i can change.
Then on top of that, my ex (question mark) is realing me back in. I don't want to like him, but it's really hard! He's really cute and knows exactly what to say. I've liked one of his really good friends for a while know but my hope for that is getting smaller everyday. I really do like him, he's great, but I'm sick of waiting, I get my hopes up and then nothing happens, when I'm at a all time low my ex calls and i feel special again. I love the way he makes me feel. Oh yeah another problem with this guy is that he is soon to be my lacross coach. We're only 3 years apart but when he's my coach things are going to be weird.
Honestly I don't trust myself, I'm afraid I'm going to get sucked in again, and I don't know if I can handle being thrown out...again. Last night we talked for like 5 hours, he told me he missed me and that it's harder everyday for him to resist me (exact words), I told him to please not let me fall for him again, that I knew eventually he would have to hurt me and I didn't want to go through that again.
He bought me a christmas present and he wants to bring it to me later, I think I know what it is, I really don't care that he got me something, what really affects me is that he thought of me.
What if I let him kiss me again? I kinda want him to, but even more than that I want him to hold me, just hold me, and not let go for a really long time. I was talking to him about guys a few days ago, how I can't seem to find a guy that me hands fit with. He asked me if our hands fit. When I told him they were the best match I've ever found, his face lit up. he told me that I made his week by telling him that and i dunno, just seeing him smile made me happy. That's what I want, I want him to hold my hand, just once, I need to know if anything is still there............
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| Find a cure for all this, I dare you! |
| 12.26.05 (2:35 pm) [edit] |
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of crying myself to sleep.
I'm sick of thinking about you and knowing you don't do the same.
I'm sick of wishing for the future to come faster when I never even grew up.
I'm sick of being trapped in such a small cage.
I'm sick of wishing for my prince charming, while knowing he'll never come.
I'm sick of not being able to see Kate and Jason.
I'm sick of my parents assuming I'll babysit.
I'm sick of no one knowing how I really feel.
I'm sick of missing the feelings I had with someone when I know I shouldn't.
I'm sick of having secrets I can't share.
I'm sick of seeing others with someone who makes them happy and knowing the one who could make me happy wouldn't want to.
I'm sick of looking in the mirror and being disgusted.
I'm sick of flirting with guys, when I want to only flirt with one.
I'm sick of being nervous and talking about nothing until I look like a moron.
I'm sick of having the worst timing.
I'm sick of hearing my friends sad and not being able to do anything.
I'm sick of longing to be held.
I'm sick of having no outlet to release all of this.
I'm sick of making my friends and family think I'm mad at them just because I don't want to be around them.
I'm sick of being around the people i can't stand.
I'm sick of not being around the people I love.
I'm sick of so many things no one can change, most of all
I'm sick of being resentful, hateful, depressed, and having to hide all these things.
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